I promised I'd never talk to him again because he "broke my heart" goddamn. How does one exactly know that it's a broken heart she's suffering?
Someone should tell me because I'm not completely sure. Things are going OK now. Better then they were.
I'm just being tired and stressed out.
I helped my ex move. I don't even wanna BEGIN to explain that story. It was horrible. He told us he was almost finished packing up. I get there expecting to just help load-up the U-Haul and be on our way.
BAD THINKING. He didn't get any of it done! I wanted to freakin' slap the kid across the head and ask him what he was thinking. I spent freakin' more then 6 hours helping him pack and un-load.
What do I get? Grumpiness and shit. OK- so he's under stress?! I am too! God forbid I actually act like my age and have some fuckin' fun! I'm too nice and it got the best of me this time. My back hurts and I pulled a muscle in my entire leg.
Oh, I get to be the lucky one who gets to work all fuckin' weekend hurting.
I kind of got off track...
Anyway. I talked to Josh. He called.
I just don't know if it's for real this time. I told myself I'm going to be carefree and not worry about a single guy. Just have fun & be friends for the time being.
Is my heart allowing me to do that? No I question and think too deeply. I like him...okay so I like my friends. Why is it any different?
Because this kid knows what I want to hear. He's a Cassanova. Modern Romeo if you will...
He knows how exactly to melt me into a dithering mess. I get my words messed up. I talk to fast & I make a fool of myself.
I LOVE spending time with him. We just were so spontanous with what we did. We randomly ended up driving to the park and just walking around and talking. Then we randomly found ourselves eating at a Mexican resturant, and then found ourselves at the lake throwing pebbles into the water like little kids.
He held me and I got dizzy. He kissed me and my knees would turn to jelly. He looked into my eyes and held my face in his hands and told me things that made the whole world stop and revolve around us.
I don't know how long it's been since a guy has been that genuine towards me. I felt literally- like a princess. How cheesey it may sound to me now- it was the absolute truth. It made me forget about EVERYTHING.
You see, Josh has this energy that is so contagious and it caught onto me. If he could have fun why the fuck couldn't I?
Friends huh? Well... looks like that for now. Who knows what it'll morph into. I just know I'm gonna remain friends with him even if nothing goes on between us.
By the way... I've never kissed a guy and gotten so much spark & energy rush over me like I did with Josh.
It's hard to explain the way I felt. I felt dizzy. But a good dizzy. I knew he was going to catch me if I fell too.
I sometimes wonder if he knows what he does to me. I think so the more I think about it.
I don't know how he feels about me but it must be something. We can talk for HOURS and HOURS about the randomest bullshit.
My heart's telling me I need to stick with this one. No matter where it goes I'm ready! (Or at least I think so..)
Get ready cause I'm about to have some fun!
No one or anything is going to stop me.
Sometimes, I think it's really all about you. You don't take care of yourself how the heck are you going to "take care" of someone else.
Think about it... :)
Current Mood: high
Current Music: Satellites - September